Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
beneath body buried came dance dead fair fell foreign gloom grave great hand light might moon move oak possible shine sleeps smiled traveled tried understand
SCARABEE, n. The same as scarabaeus.He fell by his own hand Beneath the great oak tree. He'd traveled in a foreign land. He tried to make her understand The dance that's called the Saraband, But he called it Scarabee. He had called it so through an afternoon, And she, the light of his harem if so might be, Had smiled and said naught. O the body was fair to see, All frosted there in the shine o' the moon -- Dead for a Scarabee And a recollection that came too late. O Fate! They buried him where he lay, He sleeps awaiting the Day, In state, And two Possible Puns, moon-eyed and wan, Gloom over the grave and then move on. Dead for a Scarabee! --Fernando Tapple
aboriginal ancient argument carried fitted lawyer lighter portable question statesman
QUIVER, n. A portable sheath in which the ancient statesman and the aboriginal lawyer carried their lighter arguments.He extracted from his quiver, Did the controversial Roman, An argument well fitted To the question as submitted, Then addressed it to the liver, Of the unpersuaded foeman. --Oglum P. Boomp
asylum candle court defence eye few heat hot indicted instead judge less light none reformer science shall since spelling time
ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear. Advocated with more heat than light by the outmates of every asylum for the insane. They have had to concede a few things since the time of Chaucer, but are none the less hot in defence of those to be conceded hereafter.A spelling reformer indicted For fudge was before the court cicted. The judge said: ""Enough -- His candle we'll snough, And his sepulchre shall not be whicted.
art bad began dead desperate falsehood fog later lies light lightly lost madness maze men method ought pushed resort smith superior teaching themselves whatever
SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insincerity and fooling. This method is that of the later Sophists, a Grecian sect of philosophers who began by teaching wisdom, prudence, science, art and, in brief, whatever men ought to know, but lost themselves in a maze of quibbles and a fog of words.His bad opponent's ""facts"" he sweeps away, And drags his sophistry to light of day; Then swears they're pushed to madness who resort To falsehood of so desperate a sort. Not so; like sods upon a dead man's breast, He lies most lightly who the least is pressed. --Polydore Smith
exposed former guardian light neither nor ownership portable
PORTABLE, adj. Exposed to a mutable ownership through vicissitudes of possession.His light estate, if neither he did make it Nor yet its former guardian forsake it, Is portable improperly, I take it. --Worgum Slupsky
editor light throws
LUMINARY, n. One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
appear believing cries deep discover electric explained famous greek honor latin light line middle named passage pleasure poet rhymes rhyming run single teach undertake unlike verses whom word
LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a line rhymes with a word at the end, as in this famous passage from Bella Peeler Silcox:The electric light invades the dunnest deep of Hades. Cries Pluto, 'twixt his snores: "O tempora! O mores!"It should be explained that Mrs. Silcox does not undertake to teach pronunciation of the Greek and Latin tongues. Leonine verses are so called in honor of a poet named Leo, whom prosodists appear to find a pleasure in believing to have been the first to discover that a rhyming couplet could be run into a single line.
act doer exception immortal intelligence judged light particular performed proof rule sees type wisdom
OUTCOME, n. A particular type of disappointment. By the kind of intelligence that sees in an exception a proof of the rule the wisdom of an act is judged by the outcome, the result. This is immortal nonsense; the wisdom of an act is to be juded by the light that the doer had when he performed it.
belief call compliment elderly electrical happen heads lady light name observed peculiar popular proper reserved shakespeare speaks surrounded sweetheart time whom word
HAG, n. An elderly lady whom you do not happen to like; sometimes called, also, a hen, or cat. Old witches, sorceresses, etc., were called hags from the belief that their heads were surrounded by a kind of baleful lumination or nimbus --hag being the popular name of that peculiar electrical light sometimes observed in the hair. At one time hag was not a word of reproach: Drayton speaks of a ""beautiful hag, all smiles,"" much as Shakespeare said, ""sweet wench."" It would not now be proper to call your sweetheart a hag --that compliment is reserved for the use of her grandchildren.
conversation display fair intent mental minor observe
CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.
believes civilization ingenious inventor
An inventor is a person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
call carried connection curable doses outward recovered repentance small
ENTHUSIASM, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. Byron, who recovered long enough to call it "entuzy-muzy," had a relapse, which carried him off --to Missolonghi.
connection curable doses outward repentance small
Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
feast good matter
ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.Enough is as good as a feast --for that matter Enougher's as good as a feast for the platter. --Arbely C. Strunk