Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
created image nose
BOTTLE-NOSED, adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker.
anybody invited late
Better late than before anybody has invited you.
affecting heavy means purchases within
BENEFACTOR, n. One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the means of all.
art bad began dead desperate falsehood fog later lies light lightly lost madness maze men method ought pushed resort smith superior teaching themselves whatever
SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insincerity and fooling. This method is that of the later Sophists, a Grecian sect of philosophers who began by teaching wisdom, prudence, science, art and, in brief, whatever men ought to know, but lost themselves in a maze of quibbles and a fog of words.His bad opponent's ""facts"" he sweeps away, And drags his sophistry to light of day; Then swears they're pushed to madness who resort To falsehood of so desperate a sort. Not so; like sods upon a dead man's breast, He lies most lightly who the least is pressed. --Polydore Smith
against ancient assassins celebrate deadly enemy favorite flight foe guard hand mail mine nurse rumor shall spare terror valor weapon wield wretch
RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield, By guard unparried as by flight unstayed, O serviceable Rumor, let me wield Against my enemy no other blade. His be the terror of a foe unseen, His the inutile hand upon the hilt, And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen, Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt. So shall I slay the wretch without a blow, Spare me to celebrate his overthrow, And nurse my valor for another foe. --Joel Buxter
pay tribute
COMMENDATION, n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles, but do not equal, our own.
knows lips railway smashed specialist wine
CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else. An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was pouted on his lips to revive him. ""Pauillac, 1873,"" he murmured and died.
device growth hard language literary malevolent useful
DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
note
DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.
art dunce early flowering kinds
DIVINATION, n. The art of nosing out the occult. Divination is of as many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties of the flowering dunce and the early fool.
disease exposure prosperity
DISTRESS, n. A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
clean shirt
DISSEMBLE, v.i. To put a clean shirt upon the character.Let us dissemble. --Adam
alike brown celebrate ceremony clear duty fit govern manifest maturity shut
DISOBEY, v.t. To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command.His right to govern me is clear as day, My duty manifest to disobey; And if that fit observance e'er I shut May I and duty be alike undone. --Israfel Brown
bait catch cheese cube die domestic eminent found hear immortal larger poet seldom senator singular trap word
DIE, n. The singular of "dice." We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, "Never say die." At long intervals, however, some one says: "The die is cast," which is not true, for it is cut. The word is found in an immortal couplet by that eminent poet and domestic economist, Senator Depew:A cube of cheese no larger than a die May bait the trap to catch a nibbling mie.