Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
bait catch cheese cube die domestic eminent found hear immortal larger poet seldom senator singular trap word
DIE, n. The singular of ""dice."" We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, ""Never say die."" At long intervals, however, some one says: ""The die is cast,"" which is not true, for it is cut. The word is found in an immortal couplet by that eminent poet and domestic economist, Senator Depew:A cube of cheese no larger than a die May bait the trap to catch a nibbling mie.
disease forecast pulse
DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
error neighbor present
DISABUSE, v.t. The present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed it advantageous to embrace.
enemy feeling formidable man prudent safely
CONTEMPT, n. The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.
device individual ingenious obtaining profit
CORPORATION, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit
american-journalist device individual ingenious obtaining profit
Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
battle corporal fame far height looked lowest man military occupies rung sad smith
CORPORAL, n. A man who occupies the lowest rung of the military ladder.Fiercely the battle raged and, sad to tell, Our corporal heroically fell! Fame from her height looked down upon the brawl And said: ""He hadn't very far to fall."" --Giacomo Smith
blown ceremony divine dynamite investing outward signs sovereign visible
CORONATION, n. The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
commonly cursing cuts fatal figure fixing liability life literature operation rates risk small verbal
CURSE, v.t. Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick. This is an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is commonly fatal to the victim. Nevertheless, the liability to a cursing is a risk that cuts but a small figure in fixing the rates of life insurance.
violin
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
beyond dreaded dwelling financial savages tribe
CREDITOR, n. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
commercial engaged pursued pursuit
MERCHANT, n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.
hope retaining skin
LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
animals civilized family females nature state whose
MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.