Famous Quotes & Sayings

Clarence Darrow

Everything serious that he says is a joke and everything humorous that he says is dead serious.

Clarence Darrow

Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

Drew Carey

Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like Canada.

Drew Barrymore

I love the very exposed, humorous, imperfect, never-trying to-pretend-to-be-perfect journey that I have been on in my life.

Douglas Adams

We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

Douglas Adams

There is another theory that states: This has already happened ....

Douglas Adams

There is a feeling which persists in England that making a sandwich interesting, attractive, or in any way pleasant to eat is something sinful that only foreigners do.

Douglas Adams

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

Clive James

Like most people who smoked umpteen cigarettes a day, I tasted only the first one. The succeeding umpteen minus one were a compulsive ritual which had no greater savour than the fumes of burning money.

Clive James

Here was my first lesson on the resolutely maintained untidiness and ill-health of the English upper orders. In baggy evening dress and old before their time, they displayed gapped and tangled teeth in loosely open mouths. Gently shedding dandruff, they lurched across the lawn. When they stood at the bar they looked like Lee Trevino Putting.

Clive James

In recent years, perhaps encouraged by competition from McDonald's, the British hamburger has become a credit to the nation. At the time of which I speak, it looked like a scorched beer-coaster or a tenderized disc brake.

Clive James

Spending all my remaining money on a ticket to Florence was rendered needlessly complicated by the fact that none of the ticket-sellers had ever heard of the place. At last their supervisor showed up and set them straight by informing them that the city they had always referred to as 'Firenze' was in reality called Florence.

Chuck Norris

Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.

Ann Beattie

While I would agree that I write about serious subjects, and that they're not necessarily the most pleasant subjects or even the most pleasant people, as a writer I just think about the humorous aspects of these things - that's what keeps me going when I'm writing a story.

Christopher Moore

This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

Anne Sexton

God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.

Ambrose Bierce

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

Ambrose Bierce

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

Janis Joplin

Gimme a pigfoot and a bottle of beer.

Bob Costas

Any good broadcast, not just an Olympic broadcast, should have texture to it. It should have information, should have some history, should have something that's offbeat, quirky, humorous, and where called for it, should have journalism, and judiciously it should also have commentary. That's my ideal.

Billy Connolly

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

Brooks Atkinson

The humorous man recognizes that absolute purity, absolute justice, absolute logic and perfection are beyond human achievement and that men have been able to live happily for thousands of years in a state of genial frailty.

Billy Joel

And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts... Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for.

David Riesman

America is not only big and rich, it is mysterious; and its capacity for the humorous or ironical concealment of its interests matches that of the legendary inscrutable Chinese.

Benjamin Franklin

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Benjamin Franklin

The good or ill hap of a good or ill life, is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife.

Benjamin Franklin

The tongue offends and the ears get the cuffing

Benjamin Franklin

Mary's mouth cost her nothing for she never opens it but at others' expense.

Arthur Conan Doyle

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

Arthur Conan Doyle

He had never seen a woman doctor before, and his whole conservative soul rose up in revolt at the idea. He could not recall any biblical injunction that the man should remain ever the doctor and the woman the nurse, and yet he felt as if a blasphemy had been committed.

Arthur Conan Doyle

The less experienced a doctor is, the higher are his notions of professional dignity . . .

Arthur Conan Doyle

The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled with the low drone of insects or with a sudden sharper note as bee or bluefly shot past with its quivering, long-drawn hum, like an insect tuning-fork.

Arthur Conan Doyle

"There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel."