Famous Quotes & Sayings

Charles Dickens

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

David Sedaris

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Dave Barry

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Dave Barry

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

Dave Barry

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar..

Dave Barry

The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.

Dave Barry

One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.

Dave Barry

Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.

Dave Barry

Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.

Eddie Izzard

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

Eddie Izzard

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

Antonin Artaud

Without sarcasm I sink into chaos.

Benjamin Franklin

Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery.

Alexis Ohanian

I like sarcasm. I like snark.

Ashleigh Brilliant

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

Ashleigh Brilliant

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

Ashleigh Brilliant

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Jane Austen

You have delighted us long enough.

Charles Caleb Colton

That author, however, who has thought more than he has read, read more than he has written, and written more than he has published, if he does not command success, has at least deserved it.

Charles Spurgeon

If your faith does not make you pray, have nothing to do with it; get rid of it, and God help thee to begin again.

Charles Spurgeon

If it does not glorify Christ, let it not console or please you.

Aiden Wilson Tozer

I do not know why God does some things, but I am convinced that nothing is accidental in his universe.

Aiden Wilson Tozer

Holy is the way God is. To be holy He does not conform to a standard. He IS that standard.

Aiden Wilson Tozer

God does not love us because we are hard or easy to love, He loves us because He is God.

Chris Bohjalian

But history does matter. There is a line connecting the Armenians and the Jews and the Cambodians and the Bosnians and the Rwandans. There are obviously more, but, really, how much genocide can one sentence handle?

Chris Alexander

Absence of failure does not constitute success.

Chita Rivera

A lot of Americans like happy endings, but life does not necessarily have a happy ending.