Famous Quotes & Sayings

Dave Barry

My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.

Bryan White

Christmas makes me happy no matter what time of year it comes around.

Arlo Guthrie

What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

Andy Borowitz

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

Andy Borowitz

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

Conan O'Brien

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?

Publilius Syrus

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Jimmy Roy

We have a small, tight family. I left home at a young age and the best thing for me was to go home at Christmas-time and spend time with my family and friends. It's kind of funny, most people do turkey and all the trimmings, but we would have a big seafood festival because it's the only time of the year that we'd eat it. We never really went caroling, but once in a while we'd got out for a sleigh ride

Louis C. K.

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Bruno Schulz

One Sunday, a Sunday probably much like today, two Gestapo officers went out drinking together and they got drunk... They had an argument.

Sir Scott

Of all the vices drinking is the most incompatible with greatness

Colin Riley

Only about 15 to 20 percent are of legal drinking age.

Mike Vogel

When I graduated from high school, I weighed 125 pounds because of wrestling. Suddenly, I realized I could eat whatever I wanted - plus, creatine was new at the time. I went from 125 to 175 pounds, working out like crazy. I was yoked. But I wasn't drinking enough fluids and ended up with a kidney stone - and 3 weeks of pure hell.

Dennis Franz

My doctor asked me if I smoked, and I said only when I'm working, golfing, or drinking. Then I realized the only time I don't smoke is when I'm home. I didn't even realize I'd become a smoker.

Edgar Allan Poe

Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain — Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today.

Edgar Allan Poe

Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.

P. J. Harvey

Freedom of drinking should always be allowed, and it is only American to let a guy get drunk where he wants to get drunk.

Ben Jonson

Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death.

Isabella Rossellini

It always amazed me that people believed I was this beautiful object.

Isabella Rossellini

I'm always a little worried when people have met me in person because I'm worried they'll be disappointed.

Rick Perlstein

Do people still read before bed? I play 'Words With Friends.'

Robert Mankoff

People often ask me about my upbringing, and if there was anything particular about it that made me become a cartoonist.

Robert Mankoff

I don't think most people know what's going to be in their obituary, but I do.

Robert Teeter

There are not enough people out talking about the President positively.

Roger Penrose

Some people take the view that we happen by accident. I think that there is something much deeper, of which we have very little inkling at the moment.

Kristy Swanson

My parents were like the kind of people who read the 'Enquirer' and believed everything it said.

Malorie Blackman

I think what we need, especially in publishing, is more commissioning editors and editors who are people of colour.