W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields
William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionMovie Actor
Date of Birth29 January 1880
CityDarby, PA
CountryUnited States of America
nine cigar
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
years drunk twenties
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
mean nerves quiet
Happiness means quiet nerves.
doctors undertaker
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
drinking wine excellence
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
men suffering lines
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
hope lost-everything comedy
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
witty children hate
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
witty age needs
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
scotch water needs
Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
doctors lawyer dentist
Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
believe dining empty
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
wings pigs pigeons
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
sex
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.