W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields
William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionMovie Actor
Date of Birth29 January 1880
CityDarby, PA
CountryUnited States of America
husband humorous names
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
beautiful humorous russia
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
marriage girl father
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
bible book reading
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
inspirational morning wake-up
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
men hands nine
I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
reading said caught
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
whole
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
drinking alcohol done
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
business race years
I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
real two today
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
drinking blood doctors
I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
drinking beer stronger
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
drinking hands whisky
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.