W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields
William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionMovie Actor
Date of Birth29 January 1880
CityDarby, PA
CountryUnited States of America
games shells towns
I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
men lucky alive
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
money advice might
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
money lawyer ifs
When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
indecisive indecision used
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
funny clever smart
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
cheating ifs
If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
wife splits woods
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
mom towns restaurants
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
race people tree
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
running home average
In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
comedian can-do
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
funny jobs grateful
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
breakfast
I never eat before breakfast.