Tim Vine
Tim Vine
Timothy Mark "Tim" Vineis an English writer, actor, comedian and presenter, known for his quick-fire puns and his role on the BBC series Not Going Out until his departure in 2012. He has released a number of DVDs of his stand-up comedy and has written several joke books. In 2010 and 2014, Vine won the award for best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. His winning jokes were: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never...
NationalityBritish
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth4 March 1967
funny humor past
I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.
funny humor men
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."
funny humor today
I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'
funny humor lazy
I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
funny humor doors
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
funny humor circles
You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
funny humor house
So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".
funny humor paper
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
garden thinking people
People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.
dishes butlers
One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out
acting bonus
I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.
style different comedy
Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
couple blow tricks
Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.
funny humor night
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.