Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
house shapes paint
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
doctors work-out shapes
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'
budgets five good matter problem
I haven't done a film in about five years and I want to do more. It's not a matter of expense, because budgets are low, it's the problem of not having a really good idea.
beating best game hang known
I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll probably hang out with him tonight. It's just another game to me.
spot
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
audience came clicked johnny since tonight watching
I've wanted to do it since I was 14 years old, from watching 'The Tonight Show,' watching Johnny (Carson) and the other comedians. Something clicked in me that I wanted to be one of those guys, someone who came out and made the audience laugh.
afraid people
Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
statue
The statue is permanently out of place in my house,
american-comedian ask babies baby friend later noises
My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
bought microwave
I bought an occassional table........sometimes it's a microwave oven.
french ordered sign toast
I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
coach decision ended felt good
I felt I could've got him out. Coach made a good decision because we ended up getting him out anyway.
bad people tax
a tax on people who are bad at math.
american-comedian paint small
It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.