Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny humorous needs
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
statistics spots made
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
hitchhiking thanks said
I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.
funny inspiration humor
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
funny friendship baby
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
hockey fighting games
I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
garage garage-sale
I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'
house shapes paint
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
funny money humor
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
running justice car
For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]
thinking eight get-up
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
book writing pages
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
zero math black
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
funny hilarious witty
On the other hand, you have different fingers.