Jim Gaffigan
Jim Gaffigan
James Christopher "Jim" Gaffiganis an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, voice-over artist, and author. His humor largely revolves around fatherhood, observations, and food. He is also regarded as a "clean" comic, using little profanity in his routines. He has had several successful comedy specials, including Mr. Universe and Jim Gaffigan: Obsessed, both of which received Grammy nominations. His memoir, Dad Is Fatand his most recent book, Food: A Love Story, are both published by Crown Publishers. He co-created and currently...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 July 1966
CountryUnited States of America
My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.
I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way! 'Hey this smells like a dumpster, lets eat it!'
Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice,’ but if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.
You're on stage and because stand-up comedy is one of the few meritocracies in the entertainment industry, there's some kind of - at least for me, there's some kind of idea of control.
Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.
Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
Jesus if you could cure our son's blindness that'd be great... And we'd love some shelves over there.
Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.
I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.
Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.
I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.
I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.