Jim Gaffigan
Jim Gaffigan
James Christopher "Jim" Gaffiganis an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, voice-over artist, and author. His humor largely revolves around fatherhood, observations, and food. He is also regarded as a "clean" comic, using little profanity in his routines. He has had several successful comedy specials, including Mr. Universe and Jim Gaffigan: Obsessed, both of which received Grammy nominations. His memoir, Dad Is Fatand his most recent book, Food: A Love Story, are both published by Crown Publishers. He co-created and currently...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 July 1966
CountryUnited States of America
Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they've learned during the rest of the year. They don't go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.
Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.
When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.
I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call "indoorsy"... My wife always brings up, "Camping's a tradition in my family." Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.
For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again.
There is this false perception that comedians can never be serious. It's like from like the era of court jesters.
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.
We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!’
I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"
We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,” and the people in the loony bin are thinking, “Well, at least I am an orange”.
I realize I look very hip hop but I'm really more emo with a definite Brazilian flavor.
If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."
How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.