Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. He is ranked #63 on Comedy Central's 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all-time...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth9 June 1931
CitySheboygan, WI
CountryUnited States of America
country winning years
I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what's going to happen with our country in the future.
men want rooms
Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got!
retirement health sickness
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
crazy jewish-values people
I'm crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because they have so much to contribute and so many values to contribute to the world. It would be a much better world, a much more peaceful and non-violent world if we lived by Jewish values.
kids wanted accountants
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?
sex years important
I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
football player self
I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
people trying i-can
I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.
country america tears
America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
hands europe cake
When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
country sex new-york
Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?
basketball school play
Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.
crazy war writing
I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!
two kitchen sushi
Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.