Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. He is ranked #63 on Comedy Central's 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all-time...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth9 June 1931
CitySheboygan, WI
CountryUnited States of America
running apologizing truck
If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.
writing night talking
I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
home clothes car
Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.
christian practice people
While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
football player thinking
They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.
predictions
Predictions are preposterous.
want illness queries
It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
new-york sound speak
A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
marriage funny-love cheating
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
death suicide support
It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
italian half stealing
I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
accounts accountants ran
Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
cake differences pieces
It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!
land jerusalem entitled
Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.