George Carlin
George Carlin
George Denis Patrick Carlinwas an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth12 May 1937
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself."
McDonald's breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery.
You know why we're good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country is only 200 years old, and already we've had ten major wars. We average a major war every twenty years. So we're good at it!
As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.
The owner of a Florida massage parlor has been arrested by police. "There weren't any serious violations," said the officers, "she just rubbed us the wrong way."
To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.
Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!"
In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""
In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems are breaking down, and I thought, What a wonderful thing; perhaps I can make some small contribution to this process, myself.