Frank Carson
Frank Carson
Hugh Francis "Frank" Carson KSGwas an Irish comedian and actor, best known on television in series such as The Comedians and Tiswas. He was a member of the entertainment charity the Grand Order of Water Rats...
NationalityIrish
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 November 1926
CountryIreland
funny humor men
A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."
funny memories humor
I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why and she said: "Because there isn't a mirror up there."
funny humor doors
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
funny humor men
A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."
funny party humor
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."
funny humor way
I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"
funny humor night
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
helping busy homosexual
I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
worry people laughing
It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.
ideas people house
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
people church ridiculous
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.
love-you wife missing
My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'
america people members
America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
racist jokes
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.