Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh.0 and as the star of stand-up comedy tours and specials...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 May 1975
CityBoppard, Germany
CountryUnited States of America
stupid voting magazines
Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
funny stupid struggle
Don't you love it when people in school are like, “I'm a bad test taker”? You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here[points to head], but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's.
stupid normal looks
Sure I may look adjusted, but I can't function in normal society because most of you are too stupid.
sex hair mutation
Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it occurs when a human has unprotected sex with a clown.
morning noon apologizing
I apologize if there's a Parkinson's painter in the audience. I assume you do your best work in the morning. Probably gets abstract by noon.
writing people trying
People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
dream cereal puffins
You should never eat when you're on the toilet. "But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk!" That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
funny reason woodstock
The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
funny children six-months
I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.
husband fall men
Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
funny school florida
I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
funny sick freak
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
funny speak-english heaven
I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.
television shows i-can
I can say that. I have a television show.