Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh.0 and as the star of stand-up comedy tours and specials...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 May 1975
CityBoppard, Germany
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor talking
I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to hold my head. And then at the end, they have to kick me into the audience and the audience has to keep me up for at least three hits or you have to start the whole service over. No cradling it - I want legit sets.
girl quality underrated
Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
ideas voice speaking-spanish
I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
love girl boys
Girls can fake orgasms, but boys can fake love.
jobs iphone long
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
teacher school dating
I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.
sleep sunrise
I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.
kids drug causes
Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
hate gay mad
God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
running country home
There's no excuse for domestic violence. It sounds like a challenge. I mean, does everything have to be so black-and-white in this kindergarten country of ours? What if you come home from a long day at work and your wife has drowned two of your kids - she's about to dunk the third one. Can you run over and pop her then? Unfortunately no, there's no excuse. You're going to have to let her drown that third one.
modern dunces caps
The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.
funny sex cheer
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
running country fun
Women can do anything men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny (on purpose), reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with.
sports thinking people
I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'