Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh.0 and as the star of stand-up comedy tours and specials...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 May 1975
CityBoppard, Germany
CountryUnited States of America
bully bombs shut-up
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
interesting honest not-honest
I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
country racist
I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist.
funny jesus humor
I saw a guy wearing a "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and he went up to this blind kid and rubbed his eyes, and the kid could see. But he wasn't used to the light, 'cause it was bright, and he walked into traffic and was killed instantly. Okay, the people that are laughing right now? I'm gonna call you guys half-full. Because you're focusing on the important part of the story: the bracelets are working.
sleep gay night
This is what I say to the most conservative person that's so terrified of gay marriage becoming legal. Just because the state says it's legal, it's not like God's going to let them into Heaven. So you can still sleep sound every night knowing that goal line defense is up at the pearly gates.
funny humor stereotype
It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
hate gun ideas
I hate the idea of owning a gun, but I love the idea of owning a cannon.
play names people
We'll put an asterisk next to Barry Bonds' name, sure, as soon as we put one next to Babe Ruth's name. Getting to break records before black people were allowed to play? Excuse me, where is that asterisk?
new-orleans sometimes feels
I feel bad sometimes because I secretly hope New Orleans gets nailed again.
pain kids thinking
I wasn't a pain in the ass when I was a kid. So I think being a screw-up as an adult is way more acceptable.
answers homeless riddle
Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
mom sports hurt
I think boxers are the greatest athletes in all sports for the simple fact that they don't cry. That is mind-blowing. Have you ever been punched in the nose? Oh my gosh, it hurts so bad. They have to go back to corner, where some little man yells at them. 'Shut up, I just got punched in the face!'... If I was a boxer, do you know who I would hire as my corner man? My mom.
funny want able
I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.
writing rapper southern
Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.