Cynthia Heimel
Cynthia Heimel
Cynthia Heimelis a feminist humorist writer from Oakland, California. She is a columnist and the author of satirical books primarily aimed at a female readership and known for their unusual titles, as well as a playwright and television writer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionWriter
CountryUnited States of America
next-day smell car
success in L.A. is completely arbitrary. One day you're the brilliant genius of life, the next day people act like there's a bad smell when you approach. Lots of expensive, late-model cars are offered in the L.A. Times every day by people who have suddenly begun to smell bad. The stakes are just too high for human dignity.
cities shopping car
Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons.
skin-tone skins body
Not one woman over seventeen has any faith in her skin tone, and no woman over thirty can ever regard her upper arms with equanimity.
book mean self
The buying of a self-help book is the most desperate of all human acts. It means you've lost your mind completely: You've entrusted your mental health to a self-aggrandizing twit with a psychology degree and a yen for a yacht.
fall men clothes
Women wearing men's clothes are chic, men wearing women's clothes make us fall on the floor laughing.
moving shoes dry-cleaning
a car is just a moving, giant handbag! You never have actually to carry groceries, or dry cleaning, or anything! You can have five pairs of shoes with you at all times!
female pedestal term
Women are not ladies. The term connotates females who are simultaneously put on a pedestal and patronized.
book reading brain
Reading is an escape, an education, a delving into the brain of another human being on such an intimate level that every nuance of thought, every snapping of synapse, every slippery desire of the author is laid open before you like, well, a book.
thinking worry world
Your whole being is involved in taking care of someone else, worrying about what they think of you, how they treat you, how you can make them treat you better. Right now everyone in the world seems to think that they are codependent and that they come from dysfunctional families. They call it codependency. I call it the human condition.
fitness disco-music cable-tv
Contrary to popular cable TV-induced opinion, aerobics have nothing to do with squeezing our body into hideous shiny Spandex, grinning like a deranged orangutan, and doing cretinous steps to debauched disco music.
meaningful profound goal
We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous.... Trivial things take up all your time and dull your senses, whereas frivolity is meaningful, profound, worth living and dying for.... If we devote our lives to frivolity, the world will be a far, far better place. Humanity will be better able to fulfill its primary goal, that of having a good time.
pain betrayal dark
Infidelity is such a pretty word, so light and delicate. Whereas the act itself is dark and thick with guilt, betrayal, confusion, pain, and (okay) sometimes enormous pleasure.
funny dog way
Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.
tired our-world cynical
we know that our world is corrupt and diseased but we're tired of being cynical and feeling helpless. What the hell, tilt at a windmill.