Cynthia Heimel
Cynthia Heimel
Cynthia Heimelis a feminist humorist writer from Oakland, California. She is a columnist and the author of satirical books primarily aimed at a female readership and known for their unusual titles, as well as a playwright and television writer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionWriter
CountryUnited States of America
kitchen lingerie clean
Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.
dog needs we-need-each-other
Dogs and humans are symbiotic species. We need each other.
dog forever feelings
With dogs, you don't need gurus. Dogs are forever in the moment. They are always a tidal wave of feelings, and every feeling is some variant of love.
believe night thinking
The moment you decide that you're a grownup now, and therefore must put away foolish things like staying out all night or cruising down strange highways is the moment you will lose that ineffable glow of youth. If you don't believe me, look around. Study those people who would rather go to shopping malls than dance halls, who think the height of depravity is bidding two no trump with only fifteen points. Every single one of these people has a stringy neck.
country real believe
The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace.
muse columnists lone
Lots of you know me as a lone, hard-bitten columnist, prone to lurking on deserted rocky promontories while searching for my muse.
cute children kids
You know what we can be like: see a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says, 'I'd like you to meet Cecil,' we shout, 'You're late again with the child support!'
people awful manhattan
It seems to me, correct me if I'm wrong, that there are an awful lot of people in Manhattan. And it's getting worse.
party verbs use
A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.
running country musical
The country is suffering from musical-chairs syndrome. We all dance around for a bit and then when we try to sit down again, somebody doesn't have a chair. We're running scared; we want ours.
weight excited diets
When women are excited about a date, they go immediately on a diet, because all women know they are hideously obese.
sex church want
Sex is not some sort of pristine, reverent ritual. You want reverent and pristine, go to church.
mind peace-of-mind frightened
Possessions, for the terminally frightened, bring peace of mind.
country jobs lying
Los Angeles people are incapable of passively mainlining TV and movies. Here you have to read who produced or directed every episode, who wrote it, who had guests shots and whether you know them personally and if they like you. You have to figure out who everybody's agent is and whether yours is better. You not only know but deeply care about the difference between such job titles as Producer, Supervising Producer, and Executive Story Editor. ... So while the rest of the country is lying stupid in a media-induced coma, people in L.A. are in constant withdrawal.