Craig Brown
Craig Brown
Craig Edward Moncrieff Brownis an English critic and satirist, best known for his parodies in Private Eye...
NationalityEnglish
ProfessionCritic
Date of Birth23 May 1957
alike dinner evening guests hosts party somewhere source spent television untold watching
Somewhere in the back of their minds, hosts and guests alike know that the dinner party is a source of untold irritation, and that even the dullest evening spent watching television is preferable.
battalion cameron landed
My father, a captain in the 5th Battalion of the Queen's Own Cameron Highlanders, landed in Normandy the day after D-Day.
became blazer firm handshake originally people preferred straight symbol trust
Like the firm handshake and looking people straight in the eye, the blazer had originally been a symbol of trust. Because of this, it had been purloined by the less-than-trustworthy and became their preferred disguise.
area cloak itself jealousy memoirs might religion tends though
You might think that religion was the one area in which professional jealousy would take a back seat. But no: ecclesiastical memoirs are as viperish as any, though their envy tends to cloak itself in piety.
blazer bowls people played school wore
In its heyday, the blazer had come to symbolise a kind of conventional decency. Yacht club commodores and school bursars wore blazers. People who played bowls wore blazers.
both firmness looked met occasions struck twice
I have twice met Jeffrey Archer, and on both occasions was struck by the firmness of his handshake - and the way he looked me straight in the eye, too.
arm breakfast childhood free happiest looking moments spent
Looking back, some of the happiest moments of my childhood were spent with my arm in packets of breakfast cereal, rootling around for a free gift.
time
There's nothing wrong with procrastination. Or is there? I'll leave it to you to decide, but only if you have the time.
expect onions school sticks strings wear
When I was young, I used to expect Parisians to wear little black berets, to bicycle about with strings of onions around their necks, and to brandish long sticks of bread, just like they used to do in school textbooks.
life matter mean telling turn turtle
Words have a life of their own. There is no telling what they will do. Within a matter of days, they can even turn turtle and mean the opposite.
designed dictates goes large life objects providence tiny
As life goes on, we accrue more and more loseable objects. Providence dictates that objects that are too large to lose, such as houses, always come with tiny little keys, specially designed to give you the slip.
board gain high letters player scrabble shut slam upset
Everyone must know by now that the aim of Scrabble is to gain the moral high ground, the loser being the first player to slam the board shut and upset all the letters over the floor.
rule smaller
As a rough rule of thumb, I would say the smaller the pond, the more belligerent the fish.
infinitely irritation lacking subtle
Monopoly may also end in tears, but its tensions are cruder, lacking the infinitely subtle shadings of irritation and acrimony provided by Scrabble.