Author unknown
Author unknown
gift history present today tomorrow yesterday
Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, but today is a gift that is why it is called the present
worrying
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
passengers peacefully sleep
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
bald beer equal head street until walk women
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
hit women
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
gets house pizza society
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
appear appreciate attitude final gain happiness joys life loss pain rain satisfy smallest spirit sun wish
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
aim miss
I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but my aim is improving.
turns
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
good help people smiling
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
change love source
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
department fight fire remember tempted uses
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
phrase stepped whoever
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
missed past season tv walked
Yo momma's so fat, she walked past the TV and i missed the first season of Lost.