Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
authority bones breaking measures originally sign sovereign staff symbol
SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace with which the sovereign admonished his jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the bones of their proponents.
blown ceremony divine dynamite investing outward signs sovereign visible
CORONATION, n. The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
fear inward outward sign visible
GHOST, n. The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.
happen sign
OMEN, n. A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.
among depression heaps meant rubbish shot sign stuff trash vacant village
HYPOCHONDRIASIS, n. Depression of one's own spirits.Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot Where long the village rubbish had been shot Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps --""Hypochondriasis."" It meant The Dumps. --Bogul S. Purvy
among bite body cathedral century considered die discussion equal father god hardy maintained object parts pious please prayed publicly signal spared three whether
HALF, n. One of two equal parts into which a thing may be divided, or considered as divided. In the fourteenth century a heated discussion arose among theologists and philosophers as to whether Omniscience could part an object into three halves; and the pious Father Aldrovinus publicly prayed in the cathedral at Rouen that God would demonstrate the affirmative of the proposition in some signal and unmistakable way, and particularly (if it should please Him) upon the body of that hardy blasphemer, Manutius Procinus, who maintained the negative. Procinus, however, was spared to die of the bite of a viper.
conversation display fair intent mental minor observe
CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.
believes civilization ingenious inventor
An inventor is a person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
call carried connection curable doses outward recovered repentance small
ENTHUSIASM, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. Byron, who recovered long enough to call it "entuzy-muzy," had a relapse, which carried him off --to Missolonghi.
connection curable doses outward repentance small
Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
feast good matter
ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.Enough is as good as a feast --for that matter Enougher's as good as a feast for the platter. --Arbely C. Strunk
animal awhile balance barren bunch burial casket cheat country dead death doomed egyptians enriching fertile gases incapable lawn locking man meantime modern natural ought rose shall step supporting thereby vegetable vegetation violet
Embalm, v.: To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made their once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting more than a meagre crew. The modern metallic burial casket is a step in the same direction, and many a dead man who ought now to be ornamenting his neighbor's lawn as a tree, or enriching his table as a bunch of radishes, is doomed to a long inutility. We shall get him after awhile if we are spared, but in the meantime the violet and the rose are languishing for a nibble at his glutaeus maximus.
change collar cut despotism erased iron liberty tyranny word
EMANCIPATION, n. A bondman's change from the tyranny of another to the despotism of himself.He was a slave: at word he went and came; His iron collar cut him to the bone. Then Liberty erased his owner's name, Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own. --G.J.
kindness special
ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar.