Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
conferred crude form founding good grave harmless himself hot knife lasting library means nor pain rite says sharper spared surer therefore university yield
SCARIFICATION, n. A form of penance practised by the mediaeval pious. The rite was performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot iron, but always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Scarification, with other crude penances, has now been superseded by benefaction. The founding of a library or endowment of a university is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain than is conferred by the knife or iron, and is therefore a surer means of grace. There are, however, two grave objections to it as a penitential method: the good that it does and the taint of justice.
beneath body buried came dance dead fair fell foreign gloom grave great hand light might moon move oak possible shine sleeps smiled traveled tried understand
SCARABEE, n. The same as scarabaeus.He fell by his own hand Beneath the great oak tree. He'd traveled in a foreign land. He tried to make her understand The dance that's called the Saraband, But he called it Scarabee. He had called it so through an afternoon, And she, the light of his harem if so might be, Had smiled and said naught. O the body was fair to see, All frosted there in the shine o' the moon -- Dead for a Scarabee And a recollection that came too late. O Fate! They buried him where he lay, He sleeps awaiting the Day, In state, And two Possible Puns, moon-eyed and wan, Gloom over the grave and then move on. Dead for a Scarabee! --Fernando Tapple
assassins capital entertain expediency grave including justice misgivings penalty persons regarding worthy
Capital Punishment, a penalty regarding the justice and expediency of which many worthy persons - including all the assassins - entertain grave misgivings
assure dead graves mass minor poet poets providing sing varied winds
REQUIEM, n. A mass for the dead which the minor poets assure us the winds sing o'er the graves of their favorites. Sometimes, by way of providing a varied entertainment, they sing a dirge.
according begins heaven lies lives lying period soon
INFANCY, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies about us." The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
beautiful deadly
In Italian, a belladonna is a beautiful lady; in English, it's a deadly poison.
among cried grown sensible slow tiresome worth
INDIFFERENT, adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.""You tiresome man!"" cried Indolentio's wife,""You've grown indifferent to all in life.""""Indifferent?"" he drawled with a slow smile;""I would be, dear, but it is not worth while."" --Apuleius M. Gokul
baths bind chiefly compound conceal edifice employed facilitate generally infection ink men money mortar occurs others paid pay pays peculiar persons promote properties quality stones together twice
INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime. The properties of ink are peculiar and contradictory: it may be used to make reputations and unmake them; to blacken them and to make them white; but it is most generally and acceptably employed as a mortar to bind together the stones of an edifice of fame, and as a whitewash to conceal afterward the rascal quality of the material. There are men called journalists who have established ink baths which some persons pay money to get into, others to get out of. Not infrequently it occurs that a person who has paid to get in pays twice as much to get out.
degree enormity next offense
INJURY, n. An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight.
country thinks
IMMIGRANT, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
american-journalist disguises foolish lack wise
Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
applied catalogue character converse crimes ears engaging female free gossips husband keyhole lady open overhear secretly soon subject thinks vices
EAVESDROP, v.i. Secretly to overhear a catalogue of the crimes and vices of another or yourself.A lady with one of her ears applied To an open keyhole heard, inside, Two female gossips in converse free -- The subject engaging them was she.""I think,"" said one, ""and my husband thinks That she's a prying, inquisitive minx!"" As soon as no more of it she could hear The lady, indignant, removed her ear.""I will not stay,"" she said, with a pout,""To hear my character lied about!"" --Gopete Sherany
beginning dined dinner eating enjoying explained functions great hour perform
EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.""I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner,"" said Brillat- Savarin, beginning an anecdote. ""What!"" interrupted Rochebriant; ""eating dinner in a drawing-room?"" ""I must beg you to observe, monsieur,"" explained the great gastronome, ""that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before.
american-journalist himself interested low
Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.