Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
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There are 4 kinds of homicide; felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
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Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
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Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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Education. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Abstainer - a weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a ""crowned head,"" although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.A king, in times long, long gone by, Said to his lazy jester:""If I were you and you were I My moments merrily would fly -- Nor care nor grief to pester.""""The reason, Sire, that you would thrive,"" The fool said --""if you'll hear it -- Is that of all the fools alive Who own you for their sovereign, I've The most forgiving spirit."" --Oogum Bem
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Patience - a minor form of despair disguised as a virtue.
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Optimism: The doctrine that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong... It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.
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GENEALOGY, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
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The future is that period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.