Famous Quotes & Sayings

Emo Philips

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

Johnny Vegas

Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.

Lord Chesterfield

Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.

Sophie Kinsella

Being a journalist is good if you want to write books: it teaches you to get beyond the blank screen. My books have been described as froth, but there's scope to be witty and ironic about everything in life.

Ellen Page

It's really crucial to achieve that balance with a film like this, cause it is unique and witty and then there's the tendency to force that. It becomes contrived and I know the feeling like, give me a fork that I can stab in my eye in those kinds of movies.

Ellen Page

It's much simpler to be tortured on camera or to be filmed losing your mind. Whereas a script that has characters who are honest, witty and genuine is often much harder to act.

Sylvia Plath

I’d discovered, after a lot of extreme apprehension about what spoons to use, that if you do something incorrect at table with a certain arrogance, as if you knew perfectly well you were doing it properly, you can get away with it and nobody will think you are bad-mannered or poorly brought up. They will think you are original and very witty.

Thomas Hobbes

If I read as many books as most men do, I would be as dull-witted as they are.

Thomas Kretschmann

This is one of his most human and most amusing and witty novels. The characters are very Indian. I decided that I wanted to do a comedy, so this was just the right one.

Woody Allen

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Woody Allen

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

Woody Allen

What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have.

Woody Allen

You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact that, when we fall in love, we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it the contradiction: The attempt to return to the past and the attempt to undo the past.

Woody Allen

My brain? That's my second favorite organ.

Woody Allen

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

Woody Allen

The heart wants what it wants.

Woody Allen

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.

Woody Allen

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

Woody Allen

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

Woody Allen

I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead.

Woody Allen

I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.

Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Woody Allen

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.

Woody Allen

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Woody Allen

The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.

Woody Allen

And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

Woody Allen

The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.

Woody Allen

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

Woody Allen

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

Woody Allen

This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don’t you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that’s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

Woody Allen

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

Woody Allen

We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.