Famous Quotes & Sayings

Anneliese van der Pol

I am pretty sarcastic and pretty dry.

Andy Kindler

I watched Master Class with Lorne Michaels on OWN. How can somebody produce a sketch show and talk for an hour and not say something even slightly amusing, or sarcastic, or ironic, or interesting, or informative? 'My mission as a producer is to encourage creativity.' Mission accomplished.

Ambrose Bierce

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Ambrose Bierce

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

Ambrose Bierce

DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

Ambrose Bierce

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

Ambrose Bierce

PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

Ambrose Bierce

PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

Ambrose Bierce

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.

Ambrose Bierce

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

Ambrose Bierce

EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

Ambrose Bierce

EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

Ambrose Bierce

diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

Ambrose Bierce

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

Ambrose Bierce

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

Ambrose Bierce

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.

Ambrose Bierce

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Alexander Pope

A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits.

Alexander Pope

A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead.

E. L. Konigsburg

A nasty letter or a sarcastic one can make you righteously angry, but what can you do about a polite letter of rejection? Nothing, really, except cry.

Donald Trump

I said [ Barack Obama], the founder of ISIS. Obviously, I'm being sarcastic.But not that sarcastic, to be honest with you.

Donald Trump

I am a very strong supporter of the Second Amendment. And I am ­­ I don't know if Hillary was saying it in a sarcastic manner, but I'm very proud to have the endorsement of the NRA. And it's the earliest endorsement they've ever given to anybody who ran for president. So I'm very honored by all of that.

Dorothy L. Sayers

He was so crooked, you could have used his spine for a safety-pin.

Dalai Lama

I love smiles. That is a fact. How to develop smiles? There are a variety of smiles. Some smiles are sarcastic. Some smiles are artificial-diplomatic smiles. These smiles do not produce satisfaction, but rather fear or suspicion. But a genuine smile gives us hope, freshness. If we want a genuine smile, then first we must produce the basis for a smile to come.

Cyril Connolly

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

David Lloyd George

He is brilliant - to the top of his boots.

David Lloyd George

He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.

David Letterman

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

David Letterman

Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.

Andy Rooney

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

Andy Rooney

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Carl Jung

Aw, now look at that, you're being sarcastic, aren't you?

Paul Simon

Most of the time, the songs have jokes in them, little sarcastic things, or purposely kitsch or something. So that's going along with a story, like I do in life, just talking to myself and making fun of stuff and laughing at stuff that's serious. And sometimes it's a good idea to put the laughing into the songs. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's all right just to be serious. But most of the songs have some kind of joke in them.