Quotes about funny
funny travel missing
The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it. Gilbert K. Chesterton
funny friendship god
We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next door neighbour.
funny believe evil
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
funny business humor
The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. John Maynard Keynes
funny death running
In the long run we are all dead.
funny nfl want
When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to. John Madden
funny nice weather
Playing in this nice weather really makes me remember all the times I got stung by a bee.
funny nfl score
They'll score if they can just get into the endzone.
funny running moving
Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster.
funny nfl touchdowns
He would have scored a touchdown if he hadn't been tackled right there.
funny running nfl
The defense should be expecting a run or a pass here.
funny team winning
In order for this team to win the game, the quarterback has to throw the ball.
funny loss nfl
If you lose your best cornerback and punter, I'd say that's a double loss.
funny player winning
I always used to tell my players that we are here to win! And you know what, Al? When you don't win, you lose.
funny hands should-have
See, well ya see, the thing is, he should have caught that ball. But the ball is bigger than his hands.
funny hurt land
He might want to watch where he lands when tackling that guy, because he could really hurt his hand if it gets stepped on.
funny nfl guy
Here's a guy who can use his arms and legs at the same time.
funny life people
People always say life is short. I've never been convinced of that - mine seems to have a tendency to go on and on. John Malkovich
funny luxury giving
Give us the luxuries of life, and we will dispense with its necessities. John Lothrop Motley
funny money shoes
Our incomes are like our shoes; if too small, they gall and pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and to trip. John Locke
funny-christmas government dumb
The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: "Some assembly required." John Leo
funny time inspiration
Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. John Lithgow
funny money months
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? John Barrymore
funny country humorous
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
funny eggs vegetables
Is an egg a vegetable? Jodie Marsh
funny dumb dumb-blonde
Eskimos are uncivilised because they don't have any shops.
funny music orchestra
To his orchestra Stop da music, stop da music! You're supposed to follow da music, not chase it all over da place. Jimmy Durante
funny hate dumb
I hate music, especially when it's played.
funny humor thinking
I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it. Jimmy Carr
funny dad humor
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
funny girl thinking
A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."
funny jesus love-you
Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.
funny moving humor
I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.