Famous Quotes & Sayings

Craig Ferguson

Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.

Craig Ferguson

I think the scores for Olympic gymnastics are affected by what countries the judge and the gymnast are from. That's wrong. That type of political pandering isn't meant for gymnastic Olympic events. It's meant for the Supreme Court.

Craig Ferguson

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

Craig Ferguson

You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble.

Craig Ferguson

The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.

Craig Ferguson

I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.

Craig Ferguson

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

Craig Ferguson

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

Craig Ferguson

Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

Craig Ferguson

I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.

Craig Ferguson

When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.

Craig Ferguson

Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.

Craig Ferguson

You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

Craig Ferguson

This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it

Craig Ferguson

For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you the world. Have fun blowing it up.

Craig Ferguson

Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.

Craig Ferguson

A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name 'Speedo.' It doesn't sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.

Craig Ferguson

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

Craig Ferguson

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

Craig Ferguson

I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.

Craig Ferguson

Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.

Craig Ferguson

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

Craig Ferguson

If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

Craig Ferguson

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

Craig Ferguson

....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

Craig Ferguson

I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.

Craig Ferguson

I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

Craig Ferguson

It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.

Craig Ferguson

I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.

Craig Ferguson

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

Craig Ferguson

If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.

Conor Maynard

Fittings are boring, but it's fun when you get to wear something new and go to a new event. I have a massive say in what I wear - I work really closely with my stylist.

Conor McGregor

Be spontaneous, be creative, go out and have fun, let things happen naturally.