Tim Allen
Tim Allen
Timothy Allen Dick, known professionally as Tim Allen, is an American actor and comedian...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionTV Actor
Date of Birth13 June 1953
CityDenver, CO
CountryUnited States of America
political spices may
I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.
past phones iphone
I've gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I'm back to a flip-phone. It's funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they're considered antiques.
kids people parent
Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.
funny witty dating
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
jesus men class
I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
smart comedy mines
My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
encouragement real wrestling
All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
blow drunk soldier
Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. A typhoon couldn't blow that thing off their heads. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
broke stills ifs
If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it.
men sears
Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
kids arrows important
The greatest missile in the world is useless ... unless it's targeted. A torpedo is adrift unless it has someplace to go. An arrow is pointless unless it hits something. So it's important for kids--for everyone, even if you fail at first--to target something and head in that direction. With all your might.
funny mom mother
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
artist logos graphic
I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.
numbers giving legs
Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!