Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
cat half half-life
Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?
funny life peace
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
funny life humor
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
life baby destiny
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So, what did you think?
funny life baby
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
life witty humorous
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
inspirational funny life
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
inspirational life thinking
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
funny-life redneck way
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
funny life sarcastic
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
funny life reading
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
audience came clicked johnny since tonight watching
I've wanted to do it since I was 14 years old, from watching 'The Tonight Show,' watching Johnny (Carson) and the other comedians. Something clicked in me that I wanted to be one of those guys, someone who came out and made the audience laugh.
statue
The statue is permanently out of place in my house,
spot
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.