Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
time way dollars
If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.
funny humor home
I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.
funny humor light
When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.
predicaments lost wells
Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
girl mad get-real
I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
funny humor wine
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".
ice cones cream
No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones.
mcdonalds want rebellious
I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!
inspirational funny motivational
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
men tree far-away
I mumble a lot when im off stage, so a lot of times when im with a friend i'll say something and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll still be like what, so now he's got me yellin. Man that tree is far away
funny humor doe
Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. "Tom's gone!" "Is he a magician?" "No." "Then let's print up some flyers!"
break convenience staircases
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.
funny children book
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
funny humor glasses
A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I'll go and replace it before they check it off, but they make that stuff impossible to replace. I go to the store and ask, 'Do you have coke in a glass harmonica ...Do you have individually wrapped cashews'