Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor men
I had a box of Ritz crackers, and on the back of the box, they had all these suggestions for what to put on top of the Ritz. Try it with cheese. Try it with peanut butter. Come on, man, they're crackers, that's why I got them. I like crackers! I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates!
funny clever humor
The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique.
funny nice humor
You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
funny lollipop garbage
A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.
funny witty dirty
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
alcohol disease alcoholism
Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
funny humor use
My manager said, "Don't use liquor as a crutch!" I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.
funny humor two
I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.
funny humor mean
I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, "Man, I better play dead!"
funny humor two
I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.
funny football humor
It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
funny humor thinking
People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying to make me late for something.
funny humor thinking
Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" "Yeah, if you want to spray your shirt with documents!"
funny soccer humor
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.