Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor legs
I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen.
funny humor thinking
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill.
funny running moving
I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. He caught up to me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of... cranium accessories!"
funny humor lakes
I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."
funny humor drunk
I spilled some vodka on the carpet, and I vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I had to take the Hoover to detox.
funny humor winning
I got a business card because I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Gimme a call, maybe we'll have lunch. If I'm lucky!
funny humor would-be
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.
funny wall humor
I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, "you'll have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity! You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.
funny humor want
I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.
feet stockings ultimate
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
funny comedy has-beens
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
break wells
Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break.
funny humor men
I had a box of Ritz crackers, and on the back of the box, they had all these suggestions for what to put on top of the Ritz. Try it with cheese. Try it with peanut butter. Come on, man, they're crackers, that's why I got them. I like crackers! I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates!
funny clever humor
The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique.