Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart
Jon Stewartis an American comedian, writer, producer, director, actor, media critic, and former television host. From 1999 to 2015, he was the host of The Daily Show, a satirical news program that airs on Comedy Central...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionEntertainer
Date of Birth28 November 1962
CountryUnited States of America
joy too-much teeth
I masturbate. A lot. And yet, I don't floss because it's too much of a hassle. Ten seconds of joy over a lifetime of tooth decay, that's what I've chosen.
tyrants suffering ifs
If Obama's a tyrant, he's a pretty tame tyrant. How many tyrants do you know that really suffer because they can't get cloture?
kids games trying
The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, 'Way to try!'
men black president
I wonder who really is the change candidate? It can't be both of them [Hillary Clinton & Barak Obama]. What would be a black man and a woman - how could that be different than the 43 other Presidents we've had?
senior years done
Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.
kids cables
I kid because I'm on basic cable.
technology useless
Technology. It's like science, only useless.
people musician jazz
Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?
people giving stuff
People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.
should-have realizing democrat
Democrats - always standing up for what they later realize they should have believed in.
dragons glasses people
Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.
nice way knows
It's nice to know that [God] can destroy us in a myriad of ways.
thinking broken brain
Honestly, folks, I think my brain is broken.
thinking mirrors long
You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, "Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror."