Jim Gaffigan
Jim Gaffigan
James Christopher "Jim" Gaffiganis an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, voice-over artist, and author. His humor largely revolves around fatherhood, observations, and food. He is also regarded as a "clean" comic, using little profanity in his routines. He has had several successful comedy specials, including Mr. Universe and Jim Gaffigan: Obsessed, both of which received Grammy nominations. His memoir, Dad Is Fatand his most recent book, Food: A Love Story, are both published by Crown Publishers. He co-created and currently...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 July 1966
CountryUnited States of America
You ever read an article, and at the bottom, it says, 'Continued on page six'? I'm , 'Not for me. I'm done.'
Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."
They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. "Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight."
I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.
Lifetime is television for women. Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that channel. "In a Lifetime original, Meredith Baxter-Berney gets beaten with a rod. In a Lifetime original, Rod."
I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there. "All right, I'm standing in front of a room full of strangers. Based on what I learned in gym class, I will throw a red ball at a fat guy."
I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."
After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.
Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know what I mean?
“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”
On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you.