Jack
funny happy-birthday lost-youth
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
practice violin three
I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.
two giving pay
When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all.
happened accidents
Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.
quality modesty
Modesty is my best quality.
girl dinner trays
I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.
men rich shows
A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.
world als garlands
When you talk about the world's greatest entertainer you have to say Al Jolson because there was no one like him. Only Judy Garland and perhaps Frank Sinatra got anywhere near him!
years rays responsible
I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.
ignorance names principles
Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.
beautiful sports golf
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
mind age cheese
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
knowing speak speakers
It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.
funny success crazy
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.