Jack
jobs boss bills
Bill Paley is not only the greatest boss I ever had, but he's the most brilliant, honest and warm human being I've ever met. And I'll say that to his face - even if it costs me my job.
careers san-francisco violin
I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.
business exaggeration-is want
I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
hurt fall earthquakes
The only way I'll ever get hurt in the casino is if there's an earthquake and a slot machine falls on my foot.
men roger mets
I'm like Will Rogers, I never met a man I didn't like... well, Eichmann maybe.
trying saving able
Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere
funny class california
As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.
money trying salary
Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.
order years laughing
I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.
death humor dies
Gags die, humor doesn't.
laughter kids littles
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
food cutting cooking
Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
humorous night gambling
I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.
love-you meetings premature
I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.