Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.,is a clinical psychologist and a contributor to feminist theory and therapy. From 1972 to 2001 she was a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas and a faculty member and supervisor in the Karl Menninger School of Psychiatry. During this time she published extensively on the psychology of women and family relationships, revising traditional psychoanalytic concepts to reflect feminist and family systems perspectives. Her son is the National Book Award-nominated poet and novelist Ben Lerner...
self-esteem people feelings
Feeling essentially superior to other people is as sure a sign of poor self-esteem as feeling essentially inferior.
wise fear self
Throughout evolutionary history, anxiety and fear have helped every species to be wary and to survive. Fear can signal us to act, or, alternatively, to resist the impulse to act. It can help us to make wise, self-protective choices in and out of relationships where we might otherwise sail mindlessly along, ignoring signs of trouble.
book self insecurity
Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
mistake self-esteem responsibility
If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibility for their less than honorable behaviors, feel remorse, and offer a heartfelt apology. And many people are so hard on themselves for the mistakes they make, they don't have the emotional room to admit vulnerability and apologize to a partner.
life self challenges
Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
anger self problem
Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
lonely self knows
Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
bodies communication good honor love truly tune
And we will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
war believe fighting
Request an apology when you believe you deserve one, but don't get in a tug of war about it. Instead, be a role model and tender a genuine apology yourself when an apology is due. Your willingness to apologize can be contagious and models maturity for your partner. Also, your non-apologizing partner may use a nonverbal way to reconnect after a fight, defuse the tension, or show you he's in a new place and wants to repair a disconnection. Accept the olive branch however it's offered.
distance law fundamentals
If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
sex judging-people diagnosis
Judging people for whom they love (a same sex partner) rather than by whom they harm, should in itself merit a psychiatric diagnosis.
trying helpful sometimes
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
family-and-friends our-relationship partners
You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
kids important want
Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.