Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.,is a clinical psychologist and a contributor to feminist theory and therapy. From 1972 to 2001 she was a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas and a faculty member and supervisor in the Karl Menninger School of Psychiatry. During this time she published extensively on the psychology of women and family relationships, revising traditional psychoanalytic concepts to reflect feminist and family systems perspectives. Her son is the National Book Award-nominated poet and novelist Ben Lerner...
heart goal addresses
Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
husband math mind
I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
mother father giving
We're vulnerable to repeating history, especially if we don't know what's driving us. For example, it may be a family tradition to marry someone with addiction problems, or who is an injured bird in need of caretaking. Or, you may be drawn to guys who remind you of your distant, unavailable father -- or your ill-tempered mother -- with the unconscious belief that you can take an old story, and through the power of your love, give it a new, happy ending.
couple fighting patterns
It's remarkable how many couples can precisely describe their particular pattern of painful fighting, and claim to be helpless to change it.
people wells focused
The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
sex normal fantasy
Whatever your sex fantasy is with your partner, consider it normal.
nagging
Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.
courage acts-of-courage acknowledge
It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.
life body knows
Being in touch with our bodies, or more accurately, being our bodies, is how we know what is true. Harriet
running brave want
It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
issues fire fuel
Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.
hope long feels
As long as we can feel hope, there is hope.
stories matter storytelling
Telling a true story about personal experience is not just a matter of being oneself, or even or finding oneself. It is also a matter of choosing oneself.
two views intimacy
We commonly confuse closeness with sameness and view intimacy as the merging of two separate I's into one worldview.