Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.,is a clinical psychologist and a contributor to feminist theory and therapy. From 1972 to 2001 she was a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas and a faculty member and supervisor in the Karl Menninger School of Psychiatry. During this time she published extensively on the psychology of women and family relationships, revising traditional psychoanalytic concepts to reflect feminist and family systems perspectives. Her son is the National Book Award-nominated poet and novelist Ben Lerner...
problem
What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
relationship intimate substitutes
Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships.
mistake self-esteem responsibility
If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibility for their less than honorable behaviors, feel remorse, and offer a heartfelt apology. And many people are so hard on themselves for the mistakes they make, they don't have the emotional room to admit vulnerability and apologize to a partner.
mother son law
Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
political growth connections
Although the connections are not always obvious, personal change is inseparable from social and political change.
anger listening anger-management
Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
inspirational trying different
If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
believe true-joy peak-experiences
We'll always be disappointed if we believe that we can plan for a peak experience and make it happen. True joy can't be anticipated or planned. It just strikes.
people honor salt
People marry with a deep longing that their partner will tend to their wounds, not throw salt in them. Honor your partner's vulnerability.
life self challenges
Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
waiting firsts recipes
If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
anger self problem
Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
long challenges balance
In long-term relationships ... we are called upon to navigate that delicate balance between separateness and connectedness ... we confront the challenge of sustaining both--without losing either.
When you can't see yourself objectively, you won't see anyone else objectively, either.