George Carlin
George Carlin
George Denis Patrick Carlinwas an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth12 May 1937
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
Life is a zero sum game.
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it.
If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, you'll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. You'll never see the black guys going, "Oh, golly! We won the big game today, yes sir!" But you'll see guys with red hair named Duffy going, "What's happenin'?"
The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
If a lobster didn't look like a sci-fi monster, people would be less able to drop him alive into boiling water.
If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?