Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
I'm a great lover, I'll bet.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid...and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.
I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady... take your purse.'
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.