Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.
People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.
The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.
I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It's an organism on its own. I focus on that living hydra in the dark.
I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.
I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady... take your purse.'