Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
im-sorry squirrels car
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
funny humor car
My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
thinking orange carrots
I think they named the orange before the carrot.
car drivers ten
You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
thinking tough-times care
I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
car buying advertising
When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'
balance credit cards
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.
car way alarms
A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.
cards fronts knows
I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
bmw interesting car
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
asked met name trust women
I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar!
love punch structured
I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punch line.
location toys adults
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
life bookstores mystery-novels
If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.