David Letterman
David Letterman
David Michael Lettermanis an American former television talk show host, comedian, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth12 April 1947
CityIndianapolis, IN
CountryUnited States of America
yesterday issues giving
Yesterday was not only daylight saving time, but also International Women's Day. What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that's missing an hour.
navy problem obesity
Obesity is now a problem in the navy. They've created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.
new-york good-luck cities
Good luck finding a place to park in New York City. And when you do, good luck figuring out the parking signs, restrictions, and prohibitions. It is so complicated. It has gotten so bad, I never park my car without a lawyer.
talking bills said
They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'
thinking people laughing
I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.
kids thinking people
Privately I think that I'm not really somebody who has a network television show. Celebrities are other people - Johnny Carson and Sylvester Stallone. I'm just a kid trying to make a living is the way I feel.
beer eight class
One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.
social-values talent redeeming
I have talents aplenty. Unfortunately, precious few of them have any redeeming social value.
sex new-york differences
I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.
leader minorities want
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid says he will not seek re-election. Harry said he wants to spend more time with his family. As I always say, check with your family.
chess enough
There just isn't enough televised Chess
jobs iowa people
Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She's spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it's to prepare her for a job in which she will never again meet an ordinary person.
black sun size
Scientists have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times the size of our sun. It's full of Hillary Clinton emails.
cutting knives tomorrow
Tomorrow is Election Day. It's what they call the midterm elections, and you can cut the indifference with a knife. It's the day Americans leave work early and pretend to vote.