Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnikis an American comedian, television host, writer, producer, actor and podcast personality. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanour, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth22 December 1978
CityPittsburgh, PA
CountryUnited States of America
dog night homeless
I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.
baby girlfriend home
Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'
dad home hard-times
My dad's been having a hard time lately. Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to save his life. And he has tried everything too: little hook next to the door, little bowl next to his bed, keychain makes a noise when you whistle. Nothing worked. So finally, this year for his birthday, the whole family chipped in - and we put him in a home.
jobs crazy men
Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work. That’s crazy. If you could do that and keep your job, then everybody would do it.
kids cruise holmes
Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
growing-up matter offensive
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.
team player boston
Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.
writing comedian want
I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
voice guy topics
Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
laughing goes-on crowds
If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.
hate thinking people
What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.
notebook writing cutting
I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.
tonight want bed
I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.
writing comedy wanted
I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.